I’ve started to write a number of different posts about the current state of this world (politically speaking), but have erased them all. I just can’t. I’m sad. Disheartened. Scared. And worried. But pontificating on all of that won’t change things. Instead, I’ve decided my New Year’s Resolution is to put my money where my mouth is and find a way to personally make this world a wee bit lighter and brighter.


I’ve been looking into programs and I’m thinking about volunteering with a literacy organization to teach adults to read, or a senior program to drive elderly folks to doc appointments and the grocery store and such. I’d also love to get involved with an aid program for refugees, but I haven’t had much luck finding anything local. (Probably because so few refugees- women and children included- have actually been allowed asylum in our country. And it will only get worse… But I digress.) Lots of these programs have a good bit of initial training, which makes the first steps a big commitment, but I figure after the holidays will be a perfect time to start. I don’t have tons of free time, but it doesn’t take all that much time to make a difference!

Be kind, folks. Care about your neighbors. And try to empathize. There are a lot of people out there scared of what this world holds for them. If you are not a targeted group, appreciate your luck and pay it forward. And if you are, please don’t forget that there is so much good in this world. You are not alone. We have your back.

Heart broken, but…

I’m done. I know you all expect political pontifications out of me, but I have nothing left. I’m sad. I’m disappointed. I’m worried. And I’m scared. But it’s all been said already and I just can’t beat the horse anymore.

Instead, I bring you…


Yes. Bangs.

In full on committment to my Halloween costume- which incidentally was awesome- I ‘Garthed’ my hair and cut my own bangs. There are so many reasons why I should not have bangs, but 20 minutes before our Halloween party (and with a wee bit of liquid courage running through my veins), I was not so much seeing them.

  1. I have like 2 hairs in the front of my head. I will never have full lush bangs.
  2. The 2 hairs I have curl! Yes, on this pin straight head of hair of mine, the only hairs I wish would not have wave, wonk themselves into funky little pincurls if I don’t painstakingly product and straighten them.
  3. I like a bang. I do. But there’s something about my face and bangs that just don’t mix. I think the older I get, and the more wrinkles adorn my face, the youthfulness of the bangs just make me look older.
  4. I do not “do” my hair everyday. Insert need for weird little clips and pins.

So, after 30 minutes of attempting to do something acceptable with the bangs, this was the best I could come up with. sigh. Good thing hair grows.

Also, I need Botox.

The end.

p.s. Because staying away from all things politics is hard for me, the only thing I will say is hug each other a little tighter these days, guys. Love trumps hate when we keep the kindness coming.

Death by Hypocrisy

If I don’t make it through tonight, I’d like to tell you all that it’s been wonderful knowing you.

While I’m feeling somewhat confident that America will make the right decision today, I am so disheartened by the negative, hateful, ignorant comments I keep seeing and hearing. I’m overcome with anxiety today and, even if things go the way I believe they should, the damage has been done. In the course of this election season, our country has changed. What was previously unacceptable is now OK. Blatant racism, sexism and xenophobia is back on our national stage. Political correctness is out the window and saying whatever you think and feel, regardless of how baseless it may be, is perfectly OK. Trump has given a voice to those poor racists oppressed by decades of decency and equality, and I fear that it will take quite some time to quiet their voices again. I fear for tomorrow.

When casting your vote today, please consider the widespread implications of your decision. We are not alone in this, and the world is watching. Brad, my Republican leaning husband, posted a lovely diatribe on Facebook this morning condemning Trump (and indirectly supporting Hillary); and the most profound response, in my estimation, was a comment from a former colleague of his from Spain. He said,

“Sending my best wishes to you and all American voters, that they may have the clarity of mind to make the right decision. What’s at stake is not just the stability of the United States, but the stability of the world. As the saying goes: “When America coughs, the world catches a cold.”

America, stop fucking coughing!

You knew it was coming.

Political and sociopolitical rants a la Amy:

  1. How can a WOMAN not be a feminist? Do you not understand what that means? If I hear one more woman say “I’m not for equal rights”, I’m gonna strap an apron around her waist and tell her to go ask her spouse or father for her list of approved activities for the day. What? Equal rights mean just that. Equal rights. Whether you choose to cater to your husband’s every whims or run a business like a boss, all feminism means is that it’s your prerogative to do whatever you believe is best for your own life.
  2. Why is Bill Clinton’s history relevant to this election? Last I heard he wasn’t running for President. But do you know who is? Trump, a man on his 3rd marriage who publicly cheated on both of his previous wives. (Per Wikipedia, his divorce from Ivana was granted on the grounds of ‘cruel and inhumane’ behavior.) Why is no one talking about this?
  3. How is a Presidential nominee saying that he ‘grabs women’s P******’ locker room talk? How are WOMEN condoning statements like this? It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s bragging about sexual assault! Look, I’m all for a dirty joke. But this wasn’t a joke where the punchline was funny. This was a joke where the punchline involved an old, entitled, orange dude forcefully hitting on and assaulting a young married woman, and then trying to have her fired for refusing his advances. I seriously don’t understand how this is even remotely acceptable to anyone, let alone women. If I hear one more woman try to explain away talk like this from someone who wants to be leader of the free world, I might have to slap a bitch.
  4. How can Mike Pence stand behind Trump? Pence is scary in his own right (check out his ULTRA conservative views- I mean the stuff my nightmares are made of), but he seems to be a bit of a better man than Trump. After this weekend’s ‘hot mic’ leak AND Trump fully re-buffing Pence’s foreign policy statements during last nights debate!!! (what!? You seriously don’t do that.), it will be interesting to see what happens next. I wouldn’t be surprised if Pence just walked away from Trump and from the election all together. (It would be the best thing he could do for his career.)
  5. This election has NOTHING to do with Republicans versus Democrats. I am a lifelong, passionate Democrat (duh.), but I can see the other side and have respected(ish) all of the past Republican Presidents and Presidential Nominees. Until now. I do not respect Donald Trump. There are philosophical differences between a R and D that keeps the line drawn in the sand. But Trump isn’t really a Republican and is certainly not a conservative. He ideals are all over the place and his policies are borderline incoherent. True Republicans are jumping ship all over the place. So before you decide to vote for Trump because you are a Republican and his ideals most align with yours, do yourself a favor and check out what he really stands for. (Assuming you can figure that out.)
  6. Watching the debate last night seriously almost gave me a heart attack. It was disgusting! Trump made a mockery of the office of the President of the United States, and by extension, Americans as a whole. I was truly embarrassed to be an American as I sat and (uncomfortably) watched. Our country is better than this and our people are better than this.  And I feel bad for Hillary Clinton. Like her or not, she is polished, professional and as prepared as they come to be President. Yet she is forced to deal with the shit storm that is Donald Trump. Where were the policy conversations? Where were the real answers? She’s got them, but she has to spend so much time wading through the knee-deep crap spewed by her offensive opponent that she has little time to really talk about what really matters.
  7. If Donald Trump was anyone else, he would be laughed off a debate stage. He says nothing of substance and is argumentative, bullish and crude. But somehow, because the expectations of him are so low, the country/media applauds when/if he makes a coherent statement. There is such a double standard here. Hillary is judged as the scholarly, knowledgable, public servant she is (and any mis-step is held against her), whereas Trump is given a free pass to be a giant ass at all times. I.just.don’

I can’t. I really just can’t take it. And I’m not completely sure I will make it to November 8th. This schizzy has me all sorts of in a tizzy. The good news is I have an absentee ballot ready to be sent in, and in the event of my untimely politics induced-death, Brad has strict instructions to mail it. At least my last action will be to make it very clear that


That’s a poop.

My bitch of a scale is in time out again. Seriously???! Can I ever win?

So ten of my family members are doing a Biggest Loser Challenge, and the Week 2 weigh in was this morning. (If you watch the Biggest Loser on TV, you know week 2 is always bad. …foreshadowing.) Well, it wasn’t going to be for me because I KILLED it this week. I was seriously the stuff Bob Harper’s dreams are made of- NO booze (even on the weekend), no grains, only naturally occuring sugars, totally within 1200 calories everyday AND I ran 4 times and went to 5 gym classes in the past 7 days. When I felt hungry, I ate an apple for God’s sake. I’m not sure I could have done more. (I was DJ Tanner on the treadmill and Jesse Spano with her caffeine pills. “I’m so excited”…) So I was pumped this morning. I had visions of 7 lb losses and Biggest Loser crowns.

Alas, I was down less than one measely pound. ONE F@!#@! POUND! WHHHHHHHHAT!? That’s a poop. Is this a damn cosmic joke? Oh the humanity…

There’s been times in my life that this would have totally derailed me. All that work, and nothing!? I would have totally given up. But you know what, fuck that. The scale is not the end all be all. (Although she is a raging bitch and I hate her.) It is just one form of measurement. I am sore as can be, so it’s clear I worked hard. My pants are a wee bit looser, so I got that going for me. And we still have 6 weeks to go. So instead of moping, I’m going to feel good. Good that I killed it at the gym, good that I ate healthy, and good that I didn’t hate every step of it. In fact, it all felt good. I’m on the right track and that’s just that. So booyah whore-scale.

(Sidenote: In trying to talk myself off a ledge this morning after the horrid weigh-in, I found this article. I may well be appeasing myself, but it could be true!? Only time will tell I guess.

Sore Muscles and Weight Gain

Can muscle soreness cause weight gain? I already mentioned that when muscles tissue breaks apart fluids enter the tissue to compensate and recover the muscle and that causes some slight weight gain on the scale.

This 2-5lbs change on the weight scale is a result of water retention when muscles are damaged. In 72h your weight will go back to normal and there is nothing to worry about.

Two skanky princesses, a witch and a football player.

We are having a kid-centric Halloween party in a couple weeks and I thought it’d be cute to come up with a family costume. (And by “cute”, I know it’s also pretty cheesy …It’s where I am- get over it.) Of course, the girls think everything I come up with is pretty.damn.lame. Which brings me to yet another kid revelation:

Children have their own damn opinions.

Who knew!?

Prior to these screaming beings popping out of my body, I did not fully appreciate the fact that they would have opinions of their own. Strong, strong opinions. I fantasized about their cute little outfits (my little blonde girls with pigtails, cute overalls and Chucks— haha, as if), their sweet, obliging temperaments (ummm) and their love for all things I love (hmm).

Alas, you know what this Halloween will be? (I’m calling it now.) We’ll discuss and discuss, and in the end, they’ll refuse everything, I’ll give up, and they’ll be princesses. (Ideally with inappropriate amounts of skank-like make-up and “high shoes”- aka high heels.) And Brad and I will be something random and thrown together (read: me with a witch hat on and Brad with a football jersey) because after fighting with the divas I will just not have the energy for anything else.

Because god forbid they concede to be the adorable Alice & Wonderland cast I envisioned. (Annie- Alice,  Violet- the White Rabbit, Me- Queen of Hearts, Brad- The Mad Hatter.) Seriously, wouldn’t that be adorable? In my hypothetical world of pretend children it would have totally happened, but not so much in the real world of actual strong willed, opinionated divalicious devil-children.